(It has absolutely NOTHING to do with how much you love your daughter; that was an insensitive and completely incorrect comment by your dad!). I would give up my job in an instant if I could but we simply cannot afford to do this as we also look after my father-in-law and every penny is needed. Since you are at home, you have a lot of chances. It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. My daughter doesnt cry when she is with me but she just doesnt want to cuddle or be close. What can be more motherly than to love a child without any reinforcement, without any reward or return? Mom's Question: Recently, its really been getting to me. and at around 6 months plus, she suddenly change and became so fond of me. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. Hi all, yes its also my in-laws first grand child but at times i feel there are selffish. I hate that she calls my mom mama im nothing to her its breaking my heart please someone help me. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. 6. He is all for his grandad cause he treats him like his own son (but isnt that my job.) Any parent who has been there can relate to your pain. After some time, if all adults involved really try to focus on what is best for the baby and put their personal feelings aside, things will eventually turn out well. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. what can i do to make it better? Your toddler has been used to having mom all to themselves. i feel like he doesnt want me home and i know its bad to say but i dont even look forward to coming home anymore? It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. Finances will play a huge factor on whether you decide to go back to work from maternity leave. Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. Am a single mum living with my parents. Why does she prefer her father when he can go a whole week without ever seeing her? I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. I wrote on this thread a year ago in despair and check in periodically when Im emailed that a new post has been made. He also loves his father and grandmother. I have a beautiful 15 month old little girl, and am so worried that I have permanently damaged our relationship in some way.I think its started from birth really, when she was born I was desperate to nurse her but she seemed to fight my efforts and would arch her back and scream and punch at me with so much hate in her eyes. Is soo upseting bcuz this just sterted like a week ago befor it seemed that i was his everyhing he lovedd to be with me! it is so helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats. Ive been really upset about in the last few days, crying about it and even getting cross about it. Try to see her reaction in the light of her little crisis, dont take it personally and dont worry. When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. But they have become my competitors And I start having bad feeling towards them. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). it is even worse when people keep saying that she only starts screaming and crying whenever i am home and that she is a superbly happy baby when i am at work. That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. I am not quite sure, though, whether things are for you like for many dads, who havent been their childs primary caregiver, and hence face the fact that their child might not be as attached to them yet as to their moms or if it is simply so that your daughter is so secure of your love, since you bonded so well that she is now ready to let go of you more for a little while. Quick message to Laura- He doesnt kiss, hug or cuddle with me. I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. I feel very bad. Whenever my fiance and I pick up my almost 3 year old daughter from her fathers she cries and clings to her father. thanks for listening to my views. We read that you should not try to introduce the bottle until baby is about 5 weeks old and that someone else besides mom should try feeding the baby with a bottle at least the first few times. My son is fine with me round anyone else. After reading all of your stories, I am much more motivated to keep trying to connect with my daughter. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. Anybody who has been the same boat please help in trying to mend things and get my kid to like us both equally. Adjustment takes time. . He is the best dad Ive ever seen (aside from my father) and always had his daughter for a few days a week straight since she was born. A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. Leaning back while breastfeeding helps slow the flow. And I really hope that this is just a phase that she is going through. Can someone please advise me on what to do? Like many of you, I am a working mother who loves her baby girl more than anything in the world. Stroke baby, talk to baby. Treat breastfeeding like dessert and offer the breast after your baby has had a bottle. his my world!! I am a stay at home mom, I give her stimulation when she wants it by giving her tummy time or playtime with me or her bouncy. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. Try movement like rocking 4. Try feeding with cool or alternatively warmed milk. If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. Im the mother who wrote nearly a year ago that my baby boy didnt seem to love me, I posted later that things seemed to be improving and now, at 18 months, I feel absolutely loved by my son. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. I guess i am being silly. i dun get to spent time with her during weekdays..my husband dun understand me wat i am going through . I am depressed. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. Before Baby Comes. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. by | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub This time is so precious and so short. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. I have a 7 month old son and since he was born his grandmother(dads mom) has been obsessed. If you try to make a young toddler behave properly (i.e. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months Sadly even then I think this hard-wiring can persist until well into school years, maybe beyond. Goodness! grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! I work 4 full days a week and am with him without fail 24/7 the other 3. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. Its the worst feeling in the world that, after a 13 hour work day, I come home to a baby who doesnt want me and a daddy who has absolutely no sympathy to my feelings. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. It hurts me so much inside and i dont know what to do. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. 1. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. I am not saying that it is easy, but I am saying that it is definitely part of being a parent to be rejected now and then. Also she is obsessed with my mother and just ignores me or is mean to me. But you say that you gave up on her. This phenomenon of opting out is actually not widespread. as soon as she hears my moms voice or her caretaker, she would perk up and try to crawl to them, not wanting me to hold her anymore. Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. Use a different bottle or nipple flow 6. Join her in her happiness when dad come home and let her know that her love of dad is OK. So everything stabilized for me. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. But it is by no means too late. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). If I feed him, he fusses, straightens. it felt so good reading all the posts and knowing that out there, there were so many mums who felt the same as I did. It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. Shortly after my now 6 1/2 month old daughter was born my mother was laid off and I had to go back to work. But as soon as Daddy is home, I really become part of the furniture. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. What should I do Please help. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. When I gave birth for the second time, I not only gave birth to my first son but I also welcomed back an . Im assuming this is not the case with you, obviously. Quote #4. I have not seen the same reaction for me. I feel like a lazy, uninvolved mother and I hate it. If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. Your mother is totally taking over and you need to talk to her and if she wont listen then talk to a family member and ask if they can have a word with her with you. Very hopeful! Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. Some things you can try to reconnect faster are to: Laugh together! I cry about this on my own because I used to be the one who could only make her laugh or in a good mood. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. Ive seen couples fist fighting, calling the police, threatening to take the children and you name it. I hate the feeling of being rejected by my only child to the point where I dont even want her. During this time mom is often the only person accepted, which can drive both mom and dad crazy. Let's go for a stroll! We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. It sounds similar to what many of you have posted, and Im glad to know that Im not the only one going through this. Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? especially when im there , but when im not around they seem to get along very well. He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. wont she not even a day look out for me. it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! I am sure she wants the best for her daughter, i.e. I am already so worried how my baby will cope with me being away for 4 weeks at a time . well, its not. When I first read about it, I thought it sounded crazy just 15 minutes! Actually, this special bonding with her daddy has been on ever since shes born. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. 1. You may think shes trying hard to not like you, but it is that phase of life where they seem to be reacting differently. Hello- Im the mother who wrote when my son was 9 mos and again at 12 mos. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. Sorry bout the long script but Im just trying to explain how it is & how i feel. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. I am drained to the point where I I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Or maybe you will visit your baby at their child care provider during your lunch break and breastfeed. hi my baby is 5 months old and still now she hasnt recognized me. I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. I have a 15 month old son who has been choosing my mother in law over me since he was probably 8 months old. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. So here comes my last advice. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. (And no chords these evening until your baby is asleep! i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. You sound like a fabulous mom. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Im Paula and you can read about this website and how it all started here. Can someone give me a lil advice to help me. She just says well what can i do/say. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. Paula. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. I feel bad for the child. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. It was really tiring for me cox this were the time of her age when she only wanted her daddy. Reading the entries and knowing that others are going through the same thing somehow makes me feel a little better. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. I feel your pain. I cry all the time. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. She's 9 weeks and we started introducing at 4 weeks. I?m thinking to move away from his grandparent so that they can only visit from time to time, but I?m worried it will affect him. I was very badly rejected by my own mother when I was a child and so I feel the pain of rejection very easily. The short answer to that question is, thankfully, no. so that she wont see me as a monster trying to take her away? You need to try to get rid of this guilt in your heart! Paula, please give me some advice! During these 15 minutes, focus only on your son and on showing him interest and love. its a vicious cycle sometimes if i feel down, then shes rejecting me, then i feel even more worthless, then shes acting out even morei have to just stop and think about what im projecting. should i stop my caregiver from sleeping next to her to maybe stop them from being too close? Welcome to Easy Baby Life your one-stop shop for positive parenting tips and tools from pregnancy and on! So worried he is forgeting about me. I know he is only 9 months but shouldnt 9 month old babies already recognise their mothers? Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. Ive read what Paula has said many times about the excitement of being with someone different and I understand. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. In addition, toddlers younger than 2 years old are usually very hard to discipline, simply because they are too young. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! All she needs is her grandparents or father. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! I feel like she associates me with all things bad (i.e. actually she is same with everyone and doesnt seem like knowing who is who. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. His Aunty drops down most weekends and he does not want to know me when she is around. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! I am a social worker and therefore I know all about attachment patterns and I just cant work this one out. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. I just googled and found this website.. and saw I was not alone. But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? The internet has backed a mom for refusing to look after her son's girlfriend's new baby for 8 hours a day.. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. I was always there for him. However, this is a normal reaction and the situation is far from hopeless. While I wish it were the other way around, I am thankful that my Mom is able and willing to do this and it keeps my daughter out of day care for now. I have recently returned to work and have put her in a nursery 3 mornings a week in the afternoons on these days she goes to either grandmas and then I collect her on the 3rd day. Ever. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. Though it is nice to know Im not the only one to suffer from a similar situation, it doesnt solve it. I cooked everyday to make meals that she likes, I hold her all the time despite my back pain, I have tried so hard for her but I still failed. I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? up at night, etc) but when our baby sees his dad he smiles and knows that for the next 20-30 minutes dear daddy is going to throw him up in the air and play. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. I have a 10 month old and he laughs and gets excited to see his grandma more than he ever does for me. My baby is now 10 months today n when daddy comes home from work he just want to be with him i reach my hands to him n he doesnt want me to carry him but if my husband goes and trys to get him he automatically goes with him:'( im feeling really down But when daddy goes to work is different he wants me but it seems that is only choice he has .. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. I understand how worried you are, especially since you are expecting a second child in two months. I dont get it. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. Congratulations on your little daughter! Try Bottle Feeding a Drowsy Baby. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. The answer is yes, although breastfeeding after returning to work is definitely trickier in some situations. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. My Baby Doesnt Want Me and Im The Mom!? I often wonder if day care would be a better option. Here are three women on how they felt: Mom 1 shared that during the first pregnancy, she stayed at home for the first nine months. Make sure you give her 100% of your attention for at least 30 minutes each day and have FUN together during those 30 minutes. Ive spent a fortune on psychotherapy and self- help groups, and I still suffer. It makes me feel that its just a natural thing for some children to have a preference, but I hope it is just a phase cause I cant cope with it. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. Go swimming, play in the snow, go to the playground or just do something together that both of you enjoy. I see you're still nervous. Please help! When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. Much more effective than disciplining a child. T like me and no chords these evening until your baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks.... I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago to with. 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